Struggling with Hashi’s has its challenges. And the level of symptoms is really going to depend on what you are willing to tackle to improve the way you are living with Hashimoto’s. But sometimes, despite doing everything right, the layers of Hashimoto’s will bite you in the ass.
As I lay in the emergency room just a couple of weeks ago, I had an opportunity to ponder the layers of Hashimoto’s.
I started my healing process, the real process, in mid-2013 after I had gotten my Hashi’s diagnosis. And since then, I haven’t really experienced an autoimmune flare. Not in the way other’s have described it.
I might have a day or two when I’m tired and just need to sleep.
I have had pain in my body step up a notch or two requiring me to make some shifts and take on some additional body work to help me move through it. But I haven’t been debilitated.
I have always prided myself in my ability to push through and despite knowing that sometimes I should stop pushing, I have liked that about myself. And you would think I would learn. But I don’t.
So, as I’m laying there, waiting for an ultrasound, I found myself getting really pissed off.
“What the fuck is wrong with me now? Haven’t I been through enough. How much more do I really want to take? Do I have enough energy to continue this fight?”
Through pleas from my mother and my own realization, I have sort of adopted some self-care. I’ve never been good at it and it is taking some time to be regimented but I have slowed down.
In the time that I now have on my hands to ponder, I know that I was still separating myself from my body. My body hasn’t chosen this. I am in this together with my body. I didn’t just happen on this illness and I do have to own my part or at least own that I am making this harder on myself. And I started thinking about it differently. I have not been honoring what I need because I do push and push myself.
I have thought about the illness, the way I approach it, things I am grateful for.
I have realized that it really isn’t a what is wrong with me now situation. It is just another layer that my body has finally been given an opportunity to pay attention to because I have already done the work on so many other layers. And it is speaking to me. It is telling me that yes, I do need to slow down. And letting me know that I need to come up with a plan to manage this next layer.
The other realization is that the layers are never going to be visible until it is time. I am probably going to have additional layers to deal with because I have Hashimoto’s. My body doesn’t respond well to stress, real or implied and this is always going to be a problem. And it isn’t always possible to preplan for a layer.
I must continue supporting myself, in all the ways that I require.
The Lifestyle factors that I teach are the foundation and they must be honored. Every day.
What I do have as I live with Hashi’s is a full life.
It is mine to plan and live. I didn’t have that 10 years ago. And in being grateful for this beautiful life, I can accept the layers that I might have to live with in a way that allows me to be kind to myself.
This is the best choice that I can make for myself.
I would like to explore pieces of this more over the next few months with you.
Have a wonderful rest of your week.